Opinion: Falcon's non-flight amounts to non-news
By Nick PalmStaff writer
Give me nuclear disarmament talks, suicide bombers, human rights summits, Joe Biden bloopers, anything newsworthy. If I could wish upon a star, it would be that CBS never opened the reality show sewage dump flood gates when they first aired Survivor in 2000, allowing every schmuck in America to get their 15 minutes of embarrassing, demoralizing fame.
And it’s only gotten worse. Jon and Kate are divorcing, leaving their kids in Octo-mom’s custody, who is reportedly staying at Heidi Montag’s house for a mojito-fueled slumber bash this weekend. I’m not positive that’s how it goes, but does it really matter? I only check facts when it comes to news.
I truly believe this monstrosity they call “reality television” will be the cause of the end of the world. The combined brain waves of all these quasi-celebrity morons converging at the same ironic Christmas sweater party will cause a rift in the space-time continuum, creating a black hole somewhere between Pasadena and Malibu.
The saga of a little boy named Falcon is the latest addition to this celebrity, non-news phenomenon. But this Falcon’s flight never even left the ground.
Falcon Heene, who by now is known across the U.S. simply as “Balloon Boy,” is the son of Richard and Mayumi Heene. The Heene family was featured on an episode of ABC’s popular “Wife Swap” television program earlier this year. It seems as if the Heene’s taste of fame was not enough to suppress their hunger for attention.
The nation watched in horror on Oct. 15 as a weather balloon thought to be carrying 6-year-old Falcon drifted away from his family’s home in Fort Collins, Colo. and across the eastern part of the state.
For over two hours, news and military helicopters followed the balloon, all the while brainstorming a plan to bring the balloon safely to the ground. The balloon eventually made a soft landing in a field — with nobody inside.
The next day, the Heenes were interviewed on nearly every morning, daytime and prime-time television news magazine, the most memorable on “Larry King Live.”
Wolf Blitzer, sitting in for King, asked young Falcon if he heard his parents screaming for him as he was hiding in his family’s garage. The boy acknowledged he heard them the whole time, and when asked why he didn’t come out right away, Falcon answered, “You said that we did this for the show.”
At that point, you could actually see Richard Heene’s ego leaving his body and crumbling to the floor. Questions arose, and shenanigans were called on the Heene’s for pulling the stunt. This prompted an investigation by local and government authorities, including the Federal Aviation Administration. A week later, Mayumi Heene reportedly admitted to the hoax.
Falcon Heene is the newest member of the how-I-became-a-non-celebrity club. I just watched a six-year-old piano prodigy on YouTube who put Mozart to shame. To the over-sensational news media, a six-year-old who doesn’t fly away in a balloon is apparently much more impressive.
The media should have dropped the story right there. If they wanted to make the Heene’s feel bad for pulling a hoax, they should have made a pact never to mention the story ever again. Instead, they let the story grow so big, it’s practically taken on a mind of its own. It cannot be stopped. Call the National Guard ... again.
The only newsworthy part of this entire story is the possible trouble for the Heenes. The FAA is looking into pressing charges on the Heenes, possibly fining them up to $2 million for their airborne prank, Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderdon said in an interview with Bill O’Reilly.
The majority of the public are sheep; they will follow any bit of sensationalist news thrown at them. I’ll admit it — I’m guilty of gluing myself to the television on big “news” days. And CNN sends breaking news updates to my cell phone. I’m not better than anyone else.
As a society whose emotions are controlled by the media, we need to be smarter about what we view as news. We must filter, individually, everything that the media throws at us. Focus on the important issues, people. You might actually learn something.
